You've made it to The Republic of Dean Land. As 'Presidente' for Life' I welcome you. There is a place collectively referred to as "reality", places that are 'politically correct', and then there is my realm. Warning If you: are a generic person who sits on the fence, or you still run home to yo momma, please go to the "Barney Page", the brave may proceed. "The beatings will continue until Morale improves"
El Presidente' Dean Chapman's - The 5% Club for 2011
Dear Citizen please take a moment of your time and consider the following issues.
Have you ever felt that you don't have a voice in our Nations vital decision making?
Is the United States not showing enough love?
Well now you at least can! Just think if you could take your money and collectively apply it to the particular social ill or under funded government project - what a wonderful country we would have. Well now you can! Here is how it works - You set up an ACH payment thru your bank whereby 5%** of all deposits are forwarded to the cause of your choice:
1. Your State Welfare Fund "lets face it not every one should work..." Dean Chapman, 1991.
2. 3rd Party Political Parties "we all need alternative view points..." Dean Chapman, 1998.
3. The Open Borders Project - safe public transportation and charters* for the workers of Free Trade!
4. The always hawkishly popular "Guns Over Butter" - more better: tanks, guns, and gear while we make the world safe for Free Trade. Because after all Hondas just aren't cheap enough.
We are also accepting donations of your spare children - congress knows what to do with them better than you do!
5. The neo-liberally popular "Butter Over Guns" - setting up free grocery stores, free clinics, free transportation* and free graduate school for the middle and lower classes, and people who just don't want to work or shouldn't work.
6. Chicken Little had it right! Star Wars not only saved the free world, but it could save us all again - from Civilization Ending Space Objects.
Preserve our global diversity before its Too Late!
7. Animals over People - Lets face it animals are nicer than people. We split our funds equally between PETA, WWF, etc. et. al.
Also accepting donation of your children for use in science and industry.
8. Great Thinkers Fund "shouldn't people with great ideas be left to think up great ideas full time?" Dean Chapman 1979.
9. No more 1st or 2nd Amendments; or the pesky Electoral College - Iraq, Boston, Afghanistan, Chicago, Soviet Union, China, Germany, Laos, Bosnia, Serbia, Vietnam, and United Kingdom (Ireland) and over at Martha Stewarts' got it right didn't they! Only Daley, the Kennedy's, Boss Hogg and Barney Fife should have a voice in America - with a big enough stick to back it up!
Millions of former people in Iraq, Boston, Afghanistan, Chicago, Soviet Union, China, Germany, Laos, Bosnia, Serbia, Vietnam, and United Kingdom(Ireland) have proved you just don't need these things. Give those old people on the Supreme Court a rest!
10. Political Correctness Uber Alles - wouldn't it be nice if EVERYTHING was squeaky neo-liberal spin doctor clean, historically revised*** and Canadian Polite?
"take off eh?!" "you hoser " "no smiling on your passport photo - I really mean it..." "Mr. El Presidente' its not really fair that you have two boxes of Cracker Jacks in your luggage now is it, wouldn't you feel better if you shared?"
What you get for joining and your 5%
- a set of "5% medallions" for your vehicles in solid bronze
- matching "5% Tee shirts" on "Free Trade Cotton" - hand picked for you by happy healthy 4th world workers wearing sterile rubber gloves, dry cleaned and autoclaved after leaving our sweat shops.
- "5% Lapel Pins" with optional ribbon holders!
- "Bragging Rights" our audio tape series by Tony 'Billy Ray' Robbins will show you how to claim your "5% bragging rights" and work it into every social conversation.
Show your love join The 5% Club today, get your "5% Bragging Rights"!
* by Fort Benning Limo Service "After all Its a Bovine Paradise"
** minus a servicing fees - all services provided (as far as you know) by El Presidente' Dean Chapman - because he cares more than most democrats and lying Al Franken Cupcakes!
*** we have crack team of current and former DFL spin doctors waiting to 'clean it up' and slap on fresh white wash - just like they did for Sara Jane Olsen and Paul Wellstone. And to kick it up a notch "BAM" ! our special non forgiving friends "chosen by god" can add back in whatever is ordered by the Docktor!